Hot Dog, We Have A Wiener

The 1991 movie Dogfight opens with River Phoenix on a bus looking sad, probably sometime in the mid 1960s (and yes, I'm pretending that it hasn't been over a year since my last movie watch/blog post, thanks for going along with that). 

We get a brief glimpse of sad Phoenix before the movie takes us back in time a few years to 1963. Phoenix and his fellow Marine buddies are gearing up for a last night on the town before shipping off to Vietnam. Just a bunch of good friends wanting to spend some nice quality time together before heading into battle, right?

Wrong. These guys are, objectively, assholes, and their fun last-night activity is to compete in something called a dogfight. The goal is to find the ugliest girl to bring to a dance, and the "dogs" compete for best in show, which is awarded to the ugliest one. Each douche-dude puts in $50 to compete, and according to the first website hit I got on Google, $50 from 1963 is worth almost $500 in today's money. So, big stakes for these douche-goblins.

Brief pause in the plot to discuss hair. Phoenix plays a Marine, and therefore has a Marine haircut which I think is something described as high (?) and tight (?). I did no research because I was expecting him to have a buzzcut, but it's not that, and I didn't bother looking up what it's actually called, but it kind of looks like this

Short, very non-floppy hair
Photo credit: Skyphoenix6

Now, regular readers will know that 13-year old Amy was all about the longer, floppy hair, a style that I not only admired on young men but recreated on myself for many years (no idea what that means). So this very accurate to the time and setting hairstyle on River Phoenix in Dogfight would have been a major disappointment for young Amy, who would have happily eschewed verisimilitude for some floppy locks, Marine regulations be damned. Let's see if middle-aged Amy can get past it, let go and let god.

Back to the movie. The marines are on the hunt (exact word they use), and it's pretty satisfying to see them getting turned down by these so-called ugly ladies. The women have no time for cheesy pickup lines, and in a mark of true misogyny, when one of the douche-deputies gets turned down, he tells the young woman that she's a slut. That insult gets leveled at a few other women in the movie who dare to not do exactly what a strange man tells them. Fun times, being a woman.

The main two ways that women are unattractive, from what I can tell, is if they wear glasses, or if they have big hair. We don't see anyone that embodies both of these horrific attributes, as that woman would surely have broken all of the camera lenses with her awfulness.

 

Ugh, puke city
Image credit: birgitlachner

If you haven't seen this movie (and you should!), the film is commenting on the misogyny and objectification of women, not adding to it. So my comments here are directed at the characters and their terrible behaviour, not at the movie itself. Just in case the movie is reading this and getting its feelings hurt. I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING MOVIE, AND I'M HERE FOR IT! (Sorry for yelling.)

So Phoenix (his character is named Eddie) is striking out just like his other buddies, and time is running out for him to get his entry into the fight. And the only thing that makes sense to me is that his panic is impacting his vision somehow, because he walks into a diner and tries to pick up the woman behind the counter who is, sure a bit too old for him, but otherwise quite pretty. Yes, she has glasses (retching noises), but she takes them off almost immediately, the international movie sign to look a little closer, she might not be a hideous four-eyed beast!

But she is tired, she runs this diner, and she has no time for this douche-recliner's bullshit. Hard relate. No need to panic for our "hero" though, because he's found his contestant. He can tell JUST BY LOOKING AT HER BACK that she's the one. Reader, her back is completely normal, she's wearing a suitable work uniform (she's a waitress at the diner), and yes, fine, her hair is a touch large, but her back indicates exactly nothing about her appearance. Eddie's senses are on high alert though, and he goes in for the kill.

This young woman is sitting in the corner, clearly on a well-deserved break, quietly playing the guitar and singing to herself. So of course, Eddie feels comfortable interrupting her. After all, this might be his prize pooch waiting to be chosen! His approach is the bold choice of both mansplaining and gaslighting her, making up a folk music writer, and telling this woman, who clearly knows her shit when it comes to that genre, that all of her favourite songs were actually written by this imaginary man. 

The woman is Rose, daughter of the tired older woman who runs the diner, played by the incredible Lili Taylor. And yes, this is a studio picture, and yes, this is the early 90s, and yes, Hollywood beauty standards blah blah blah, but let it be said that Lili Taylor would do TERRIBLY in a dogfight. I was about to write that sure, she's not conventionally beautiful, but I would be wrong. She is! She's stunning!

Photo credit: IMDB

The photo above is from a press event for Dogfight. And yes, in the movie they alter her look somewhat, but still people, this is what we're dealing with.

Clearly worthy of runner up in a dogfight, right?
Photo credit: movienutt

Joke break! What's the difference between a bag of trash and a brunette? Even a bag of trash gets picked up once in a while!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

This very funny and not at all misogynistic/sexist joke was gleefully told to me in high school, and as a young woman with very dark hair, I believed it was true. I was destined to be the butt of a joke, and not the object of affection (this didn't end up being true, I married a very lovely man who appreciates my dark hair, except when it clogs up the drains, but that has nothing to do with its hue, rather with its plentitude). And it's not any better for blondes or redheads - we all got pigeonholed and objectified, just in a different flavour. Seriously, such fun times being a woman.

Watching this movie at age 13 spun my head though. Because here is Lili Taylor, beautiful and radiant, but she's being cast as the dog. The object of ridicule. And at 13, I didn't have the savvy to realize that Hollywood is a big fucking machine with a very narrow definition of attractive, and that it bears no resemblance to lived reality. Just like I didn't have the savvy to tell those brunette-hating jokers that they were douche-fountains, and that they should crawl back under a rock until they could talk to women with respect. Not to worry, I channeled all that insecurity into trying to be funny and get a laugh, and hence you can track a line directly to this post and the, frankly, excessive amount of time I've spent coming up with nouns to attach to the word "douche." No regrets.

Back, again, to the movie. Rose agrees to go to the dance with Eddie, even after she initially says she can't, he leaves, she changes her mind, rushes out of the diner, and finds him trying to pick up another woman. Red flag sweetie. And if you miss this one, there are other's on the way, don't worry.

Who among us hasn't missed a few of these?
Image credit: OpenClipart

Rose gets ready for the dance, and readers, she is adorable! She's got this little barrette in her hair, and you just want to give her all the flowers and puppies. Eddie feels a bit of remorse as he's starting to realize that she's awesome (somehow still hasn't figured out that she's attractive and therefore, in the parameters of the gross competition, he is doing terribly), and makes a half-hearted attempt to redirect them somewhere other than the dance of judgement, but Rose is all in.

In the dance hall, we're reunited with Eddie's fellow douche-serpents, and we meet the girls they've brought to the contest.

Pitch time! I want to see a movie about these women, these "dogs" as they are called. Because they look like a fun bunch. We already know and love Rose, and we've seen that some of the other ladies can bring the sass from earlier scenes. I'd like to see these women take down the patriarchy, or colonize Mars, or get really involved in alchemy, and when the men come by, they just yell "get out of here, we don't need you!" I would watch that.

Rose drinks too many Mai Tais (out of real coconuts no less!) after being told they barely have any alcohol in them, and then she and Eddie are dancing, which is the moment of judgement. Three unremarkable and forgettable douche-toilets have the job of picking a winner, and they delight in how disgusting all these women are. Rose gets runner-up status when they witness her throwing up in the bathroom after all the drinks. Because normal human functions on a woman are the height of disgusto-rama.

Here's where I really appreciate the structure of the movie. We're about twenty minutes in at this point, and while recovering in the bathroom, Rose learns about the true nature of the whole evening. The winner, the best "dog," is a ringer, brought in because she can remove her front teeth (which makes her look like a very cool vampire) and has, again, big hair. Eddie's buddy rigged the contest by telling this uggo what was going on, and offering to split the prize money, which he then reneges on. Marcie, the winner, makes a good point about the dudes not exactly being lookers themselves, but says it's not so bad because "they gotta be polite."

Girl, raise your bar.

For a lot of movies, the whole story would be the competition. Eddie would spend 90 minutes trying to hide the true nature of what is happening from Rose, and she'd find out near the end, after the audience has been in on it the whole time, at which point it's only a question of will she forgive him or not.

But not Dogfight. Rose finds out what's going on, comes out of the bathroom guns blazing, and slaps up Eddie's face a few times, which is very satisfying. She lets him know what she thinks of him and this event in no uncertain terms, and I love her for it. 

Rose heads home, the night ruined, to sadly play her guitar, and my heart breaks. It's possible I related a little too much with Rose in this movie. Eddie feels bad about what a douche-trouser he's been, and he goes to apologize to Rose, which he does by writing a note on a piece of cardboard, climbing the wall, licking the note and sticking it to her window. 

Rose is still furious and storms outside to continue telling Eddie off, at which point Eddie drops the biggest red flag the world has ever known when he yells (!) at her that he doesn't apologize, ever, but he said sorry to her. 

Rose missed this sign
Photo credit: Rept0n1x

She should, of course, walk away, but she doesn't, and if I'm being honest, I get it. There's something about that time in life, the late teens, when the drive to be loved and accepted is so strong, and even when you know it's a mistake, you pursue it. Also, if she doesn't give him a second chance, there's no movie, so thematically we know what's coming.

The rest of the movie juxtaposes Eddie and Rose's night out where they make a real connection (and where she orders her dinner with as many swear words as possible to prove a point about his potty mouth, including the line "son-of-a-bitching rice" which is perfection) and the night out he would have had with his buddies, which is all about distraction and not feeling your feelings. When you watch, keep an eye out for Brendan Fraser in his first movie role as Sailor #1.

Accurate representation of how long Brendan Fraser is on screen for in this movie
Photo credit: IMDB

Eddie develops real feelings for Rose through the night, and again I'll give the movie credit for not succumbing to the all-too-familiar trope of the dude removing the girl's glasses or overalls, and realizing she was pretty all along (puke). Rose doesn't need to change herself for anyone!

Regular blog readers will know that my focus on these movie watches is to track the (too-short) career and artistic development of River Phoenix, and yes, he's great in the movie, very vulnerable, very real, but the true gem of this film is Lili Taylor. She is incredible, and whenever she was on screen, I was smiling. This movie, back when I watched it in 1991, might have been my introduction to Taylor, and I've been happy to see her pop up in other work through the years (you might remember her from the terrific show Six Feet Under). This is her movie, even though Phoenix is our primary POV character, and she has incredible control, vulnerability, and likeability. 

In August of 2020, Hadley Freeman wrote a profile on Lili Taylor in The Guardian. In it, she mentions Dogfight, and called it "now almost unwatchable." I think she was referring to the casting of Taylor as a dogfight contender, and how hard that must have been for the then 23-year old actor in a business OBSESSED with physical beauty, but I disagree with Freeman's thesis that the movie is not for our times. I think it has a lot to say about toxic male culture, the military, and what can change the world. I think it's a movie with a lot of optimism. And I know it's a movie where you get to spend 90 minutes in the company of Lili Taylor AND River Phoenix, and that, dear possums, is worth your time.

Readers, we're all in for a treat, because next up in my Phoenix-watch is the 1992 movie Sneakers WHICH I LOVE!!! The cast is amazing, and I remember it as being fast-paced, exciting, and well-written. Stay tuned to see if my memory can be trusted!

Possibly Now Old Enough for this Movie

Imagine it's 1991 and 13 year-old Amy has just learned that there is a movie coming out starring River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves. It may not surprise you to learn that 13 year-old Amy did not spend any time investigating the plot or themes of said movie as the leads made it a lock. When you put together that the movie in question is Gus Van Sant's My Own Private Idaho,

Poster for the film My Own Private Idaho. IMDB, 2022
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102494/?ref_=tt_mv_close

it will definitely not surprise you to learn that 13 year-old Amy was very confused when she first watched it. For My Own Private Idaho, despite its heartthrob leads, was not intended for 13 year-old girls with cartoon hearts for eyeballs. 15 or 16 year-olds, maybe. But not 13 year-old Amy.

It's the story of male sex-workers (called hustlers in the film, but I'm not sure if that's still a term in use) trying to get by and exist in America. Mike (played by Phoenix) comes from poverty, is trying to reconnect with his mother, and suffers from narcolepsy, and Scott (played by Reeves) is the son of a prominent politician, rebelling against his father in the last few weeks before he turns 21 and inherits a lot of money.

What 13 year-old Amy didn't know is that the movie is loosely based on the Shakespearean play Henry IV, which I'd like to claim is why I was confused in my first viewing of the film back in 1991, but 43 year-old Amy, who has an Honours English degree and studied theatre for two years, was also a bit lost (hey, I'm not a fan of Shakespeare's histories - I'm a Twelfth Night kind of gal).

Source Material
photo credit: University of Glasgow Library

I have virtually no memories of the film from my first viewing, a sign that it was well over my head in terms of themes. I do remember that I watched it with my parents at home as it was rated R and therefore I was unable to see it in the theatre. Given the...nature of the film's content (IMDB indicates that the R rating is for "strong sensuality," which I think is an excellent and also very sensitive description of the movie), I can only imagine what my parents must have been thinking when I asked to rent My Own Private Idaho from Blockbuster. I am choosing to believe that they thought I was some sort of film aficionado, advanced beyond my years, and ready for such complicated movies, rather than a hormone-struck confused teenager. We all have our delusions - give me this one.

Remember this place? What a time to be alive it was!
Photo credit: Stu pendousmat

My Own Private Idaho was an indie film with a modest budget (2.5 million, according to Google), but I do think it's worth noting how revolutionary it would have been when it was released. Heck, still today! 

1991 was a pretty homophobic time in North America, and queer culture wasn't mainstream. Given that in 1993, two years after this movie, Will Smith refused to kiss his male costar in the film Six Degrees of Separation over fears about what such a kiss would do to his career, the fact that two rising Hollywood stars (Reeves and Phoenix) took on roles that put them in sensual scenes with each other and other men in a movie that was all about being queer and an outsider, was remarkable. And I'm so glad that their decision didn't hurt their careers (1991 was a wild time, my friends. I truly think it could have gone either way).

Although I've reflected on it during every movie I've watched in my quest to become a River Phoenix movie completist, watching My Own Private Idaho was the first time that it really hit me what a loss it was to films that Phoenix died so young. He's simultaneously fearless and vulnerable in every scene of this movie, and it seems effortless. Where Reeves has to work a bit with the Shakespearean text (and to be fair, he has more of it than Phoenix does), River Phoenix delivers the heightened 16th century language with the same ease as the modern dialogue. There are only five movies left after Idaho that Phoenix made, but if he hadn't died, I think his filmography would have been filled with diverse, challenging, complicated, fun, and genre-pushing movies. And it really sucks that we don't get to have those movies.

Also, look at his hair.

This should be everyone's hair goals
Still from the movie My Own Private Idaho

For those of you here for the hot hair takes, I'm afraid our next watch might be a bit of a downer. The film is great, don't get me wrong, but in Dogfight Phoenix plays a marine, so his hair is regulation short, which is not okay.
 

Hair too short, unacceptable
Poster for the film Dogfight. Wikipedia, 2022,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogfight_(film)

I hope you'll join me for it anyway. It really is a heck of a film!

Adultery, Attempted Murder, and New York Pizza!

Between 1982 and 1983, Frances Toto tried to have her husband Tony killed five times. All attempts failed, and the couple (after Frances served some time) remained together. 

In 1990, Lawrence Kasdan made the movie I Love You To Death based on this strange true story (although he condensed the time to a period of a week or so). 

It's an odd (but good!) movie, probably because it's based on an odd story. In the movie, Rosalie, played by Tracey Ullman, and Joey, played by Kevin Kline, own a pizzeria in New York City. Watching their kids arrive in the restaurant after school and be served fresh pizza and have access to unlimited fountain pop made me wish I had grown up in a pizzeria.

Rosalie is bonkers in love with Joey, even though he's kind of a prick, expects her to take care of him as if he were a toddler, and, oh yeah, he cheats on her. A lot. 

Some of the women he cheats on her with:

Photo by David Shankbone

Remember Victoria Jackson? If you watched SNL as religiously as I did in the early 90s, then you've seen her work. She's very funny, although underused in this movie (honestly, all the women that he cheats with are basically walking props, but I guess that's what the story "needed").

Also, he cheats with her:

Photo by Tyler Curtis

Yup, that's Heather Graham!

And interestingly, Joey also cheats with her:

Photo by Alan Light

Why is that interesting, you might ask? Well let's zoom out on that photo, shall we?

Photo by Alan Light

That's Phoebe Cates with her husband Kevin Kline who played Joey. They would have been married just before (or possibly during) the shooting of I Love You To Death.

Anyway, Joey is giving it to a lot of women that aren't his wife, and she finds out and is devastated.  

Rather than leave the jerk, though, she plots, along with her mother, to kill him. Mom is totally on board with this murderous plan - she's never liked Joey. 

After a failed attempt with a bat-wielding assassin and an impotent car bomb, Rosalie spikes Joey's spaghetti with a lethal amount of sleeping pills, then calls in the services of their employee at the pizzeria, Devo, who happens to be in love with her. Devo is charmingly played by River Phoenix (more about him later).

Devo shoots Joey in the head, but somehow doesn't kill him. Distraught and unable to pull the trigger again, Devo hires "professionals" to finish the job, but Joey remains unkillable. Wounded and bleeding out, eventually the police come, at which point the would-be killers are arrested, but not for long, because Joey has seen the error of his ways and bails Rosalie out, begging for forgiveness. What can she do, she's powerless against his charms. So it's a happy ending? I guess?

The scope of the story pushes against the container it's in - this is a story we're used to seeing on a grand scale, with car chases and explosions, narrow misses and baited breath, but it all takes place in the family home, which starts to feel very close. I think that's the intention here - to bring the viewer into the mundane decisions surrounding this un-mundane (not a word) murder.

But you're not here for the critical analysis, you're here for my take on River Phoenix!

First, though, we need to discuss the crime that is Kevin Kline's Italian accent. It's worrying that no one noticed how bad it was. Was a dialect coach not even considered? Honestly, his accent is about as good as mine would be if I was off-the-cuff pretending to be Chef Boyardee in my kitchen to embarrass my children. I'll forgive it though, because he's Kevin Kline, and it's the only misstep in an otherwise very entertaining performance.

You know who doesn't have an accent issue? Tracey freaking Ullman, that's who! 

LOOK. AT. THAT. HAIR!
Photo by Alan Light

This Brit pulls off a flawless New York accent. Take a note, Kevin Kline!

This year, I learned that Tracey Ullman and Meryl Streep are best friends. I like that. I would like to be invited to one of their sleepovers, which I assume they have regularly.

Okay, when will I get to the River Phoenix stuff, you ask? Now. I will get to it now.

Phoenix is highly endearing as the young Devo who is in love with Rosalie. I was reminded of his May-December love affair from A Night In the Life of Jimmy Reardon in concept only. There's nothing creepy about the relationship here, and you totally buy that he'd do anything for Rosalie, even though he knows she'll never feel the same way about him.

There's a great deal of restraint in this movie, particularly in Phoenix's performance, which I think comes down to the fact that it's based on a true story and Kasdan is careful not to turn it into a cartoon, no matter how improbable the real-life events were. Devo could easily become a stereotype of a new-age hippie, but he's grounded in reality. The same can be said for the two stoned hired killers (played by William Hurt and Keanu Reeves), who are the broadest performances in the movie, but still feel rooted in reality. 

Did I have the same floppy hair cut as Phoenix in this movie from 1992-1994?

Photo by Alan Light

Absolutely I did.

Teenage Amy was thrilled to find River Phoenix AND Keanu Reeves in this movie, even though both played supporting roles. She was almost hysterical when she learned they would be together again in Phoenix's next movie My Own Private Idaho. Watching it at 13 confused her deeply as she was hoping for a non-threatening boys road trip movie, and she did not get that. 

43 year old Amy is looking forward to reviewing it, and is hopeful that she might understand it this time. 

Young Indiana

Possums, I've clearly been neglecting this blog. It's been months since I went on and on about the fashion in Running on Empty. In my defense, I've started getting up really early to write, which means I have to go to bed really early (because I adore sleep), and so movies have become harder to find time for. Which, I recognize, hampers my River Phoenix Movie Completist project.

Accurate representation of me in the mornings
Photo Credit: niyosstudio from Pixabay

With a whopping running time of 2 hours and 8 minutes, I thought I might have to watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade over two nights, but possums, for you, I bravely completed it in one. No need to thank me.

Although in truth, for the purposes of this post, I probably could have stopped watching the movie twelve minutes and twenty seconds in. Because that's exactly how long River Phoenix is on screen. He plays young Indiana in the opening sequence, and then Harrison Ford takes over (and he's fine, I guess), and Phoenix is wrapped and off to film I Love You To Death (great movie which we'll talk about in, if history is any indicator, several months).

Whatever, he'll do
Photo Credit: Freeimage4life

So I'm going to focus mostly on those first twelve minutes. I won't say much about the rest of the movie because it's Indiana Jones - you probably have a pretty good idea of what you're in for. Do you like watching people punch Nazis, boat chases, piles of squirming sewer rats, and excessive repetition of the word 'penitent'? Then you'll like the movie. Fair warning, though, that women aren't treated terribly well (wait, there's misogyny in action movies? Shocking!), and the part where Indy and his Dad realize they've both slept with the same woman is gross and problematic. Okay, done.

Back to those first twelve minutes. We meet young Indiana, aged 13, according to Wikipedia. I would have watched this movie when I was 12 or 13, and I can assure you, none of the boys my age looked like that, but it's Hollywood, so I give it a pass. Indy is on a boy scout horseback riding trip in Utah, 1912. He explores some caves (as you do) with his less than courageous friend, and they stumble upon some bad men doing bad things to...treasure? There's treasure/artifacts in the cave, that's all you need to know.

Shiny!
Photo Credit: Pixabay

Indy's moral compass points due north, and he knows that these artifacts belong in a museum, so he tricks the men to get the treasure and then we are treated to an excellent chase sequence on a circus train that features a rhino wielding its horn as a weapon. Indy manages to escape and takes the artifact to the sheriff, who makes him return it to the bad men and their mysterious leader, played by a Harrison Ford impersonator (clearly the effect they're going for).

We also get a first glance, or rather a first hear, of Indiana's father, who's a cool cat more interested in Latin verbs than his son. All great set-up for the meat of the movie.

Spoiler - Sean Connery plays Indy's  distant dad, and, further spoiler, by the end of the movie, they've grown closer!
Photo Credit: Georges Biard

I'm going to dig into all things Phoenix in a moment, but these twelve minutes form a fantastic mini origin story. Fans of the franchise are given so many gifts. In the caves, Indy's cowardly friend is spooked by a snake, but Indy picks it up calmly and chastises his friend. But wait, you say, Indiana Jones famously hates snakes! How could the screenwriter make such a mistake?

Fear not, friends, this is no mistake. Because in a few minutes we are going to see the event that causes Indiana Jones' ophidiophobia (that's the fancy word for fear of snakes, and in case you're about to be impressed, I had no idea what it was before googling 'what is a fear of snakes called' and then I had to check three times that I spelled it properly. Probably should have left this part out and let you all think I'm a freaking word genius, but here we are).

I hope you don't suffer from ophidiophobia. If you do, you will likely not appreciate how ADORABLE this little friend is!
Photo Credit: Tony Alter

On the circus train, Indy is trying to get away from the bad guys when the suspension bridge he's climbing across above the reptile car gives way, and he falls into a box of very wiggly snakes, thus the fear is born. The sequence also shows us how Indiana gets his start with a whip when he falls into the lion's car and grabs the whip hanging on the wall. The first crack strikes Indy, and we see blood on his chin, which explains the scar on Harrison Ford's chin (the actual scar, I have just learned from the internet, came from a far less interesting car crash).

We even see how Indy gets his iconic hat. The Harrison Ford impersonator gives him the famous Panama hat after Indy is forced to return the stolen artifact that should be in a museum. Bad Harrison Ford gifts him the hat presumably because he likes Indy's moxie. 

Iconic
Photo Credit: Gary Stewart

Once Young Indy gets the hat, that's it for River Phoenix. Old Indiana Jones then spends 116 minutes fighting his way through Portugal, Venice, Germany/Austria, and Turkey. He travels by blimp at one point. There are worse ways to spend 116 minutes.

I'll speak briefly, as I always seem to, about Phoenix's hair, which is floppy and glorious and completely wrong for the period. A quick google search of men's hairstyles in 1912 shows us close cropped do's, mostly flattened to the scalp. No doubt styling products did big business in this era, so Phoenix's shaggy mop that falls dramatically in his face is anachronistic, but who cares, because this was exactly the way Young Amy always hoped River Phoenix looked in his movies. Zero disappointment from this corner.  

I have just learned this River Phoenix action figure exists (thank you internet), and my life goal is now to obtain it. Look, he comes with snakes! SNAKES!!!
Photo Credit: The Pop Culture Geek Network

Regular readers of this blog (hi Mom, hi Dad!) will remember that we've seen the pairing of River Phoenix and Harrison Ford before. Phoenix played Ford's son in The Mosquito Coast. This time they're playing the same character at different ages, and Phoenix gets to give his best Harrison Ford impression, and as usual, shows great skills. He's very earnest and steadfast, just as you would hope 13 year old Indiana Jones would be. Also scrappy and quick-thinking. So good job, casting director Maggie Cartier!

This twelve minute opening sequence inspired an entire other franchise, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, a TV show beginning in 1992 and running two seasons, then spinning off into a series of four Family Channel TV movies. I remember when this show was on the air, but don't remember watching a single episode (I wasn't the only one - Wikipedia tells me it was cancelled due to large budgets and low viewership). Likely I was subconsciously protesting the casting, which featured Sean Patrick Flanery as Young Indiana, whom I will forever after refer to as the poor-man's River Phoenix. No shade intended (I'm sure he's a great actor), but there can only be one Young Indy. To be honest, I even resent Harrison Ford a little, and it was his part first. Flanery didn't stand a chance.

If my parents had bought me this chocolate marshmallow cereal, maybe I would have enjoyed a bowl while watching The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I could have saved the show with my viewership! Missed opportunity.
Photo Credit: tOkKa

Despite feeling like the movie could have used a lot more Phoenix, I enjoyed my re-visitation of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It's a dude movie, to be sure, one that triumphantly fails the Bechdel test, but it's Indiana Jones! And, as far as I'm concerned, it's the definitive ending to the franchise, because we don't acknowledge the shameful disaster that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Next up, as I mentioned earlier, is I Love You To Death, the 1990 Kevin Kline comedy loosely based on a true story. I've seen it before, and remember enjoying it (Tracey Ullman is in it! She's incredible!). Phoenix, if memory serves, gets to play a bumbling doofus alongside Keanu Reeves. Right, it's all coming back to me now why Young Amy liked this movie so much. 

Incredible Tracey Ullman with incredible 80's hair!
Photo Credit: Alan Light

You should watch it in the interim as well. Don't worry, you'll probably have several months to get to it before I'm back.

Until then, possums!

Hooray for Jumpsuits and Martha Plimpton!

I know you've all been waiting with rapt anticipation for my assessment, and I'm here to let you know that you can breathe a collective sigh of relief because the 1988 River Phoenix movie Running on Empty TOTALLY HOLDS UP!!!

Super glad to be swiping left on this one!
Image by John Hain from Pixabay 

The politics of the movie are strikingly modern, without a whiff of misogyny, no homophobic "jokes" played for awkward laughs, no troubling stereotypes at all. It is not a terribly racially diverse movie, but if that's the worst thing you can say about something made 33 years ago, I think you're doing okay.

In fact, even the fashion holds up! First, check out Christine Lahti absolutely rocking this jumpsuit that I would 100% wear today.

Amazing

The white t-shirt, relaxed-fit jeans look, which both Lahti and Plimpton are costumed in, is also incredible, and if I ever wear hard pants again, I'm stealing this style.

Could be worth ditching the sweat pants for

I would totally wear this dress that Plimpton has on when she attends her dad's stuffy chamber music concert in their living room.

Curtain matching dress (not a euphemism)

Very fine looks ladies, and congrats to costume designer Anna Hill Johnstone for both nailing the look of the late 80s, and also designing some fabulous costumes that are still relevant.

To the movie: Annie and Arthur Pope and their two kids have been on the run from the FBI for 15 years after the parents took part in a protest bombing that went wrong and paralyzed a janitor. They have to pick up and move town when the merest hint of a G-Man is in the air. Their oldest son Danny (Phoenix) is a talented pianist, and the movie shows how his options grow limited the longer he stays with his family on the run, but staying together is the only way they've survived so far. So, not an easy or light watch, but damn it's a good movie!

This movie marked my introduction to River Phoenix. I likely would have watched it in 1989 or 1990.  I remember the VHS copy and being at a friend's house, which means I would have been 11 or 12 at the time. It's not a typical teen-movie at all (my husband Sam commented upon this, his first watch, that he would have been bored as toast watching it at 12 years old), and I like to think that it was more than just Phoenix's non-threatening boy good looks that made it a hit for me (although, that didn't hurt). It's not just me who thinks this was a stand-out performance; Phoenix was nominated for an academy award for this film (he lost to Kevin Kline for A Fish Called Wanda).

Running on Empty was the only time Phoenix was nominated for an Oscar
Photo credit: Mike Beuselinck via Flickr

I think the reason Phoenix is so strong in this movie, and why a movie like A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon falls apart for me, is that here he's pure vulnerability. Looking forward (which we'll do a little more near the end) to the roles that I've enjoyed him in the most, they're all ones that showcase his vulnerability as a performer, let him settle into that space and explore it. So good job director Sidney Lumet (I'm sure he reads this blog religiously)!

This movie also gave me such a gift in the casting of Martha Plimpton. First of all, she's a wonder on screen (as we saw during her brief appearance in The Mosquito Coast). She also gave (and gives) me hope. Because she's absolutely gorgeous, but she's not what I would call pretty. Her character has a sharp wit and speaks her mind. Judd Hirsch's character describes her lovingly as being "full of beans." She's real and a bit dark, she's funny and loving, she doesn't look like she just stepped off a fashion runway, but you want to look at her all day. In the 1980s, women and girls were allowed, briefly, to be full people like this. And they were celebrated for it! Plimpton was an on-screen love interest for both River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves, making her highly aspirational for young Amy. In fact, she even dated Phoenix in real life. Staring in the 1990s, a trend began where women started to need to look more and more polished, with fewer edges or sharp lines, and definitions of beauty began to get very constricted, which was hard to grow up with. Martha Plimpton, for a brief moment before all that, was everything, and I'm so glad.

Walking the red carpet at the Oscars
Photo credit: Alan Light via Flickr

Possums, we're heading into what I believe is the Golden Age of River Phoenix movies, which began here with Running on Empty. Next up is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and we're also going to watch I Love You To Death, Dogfight, and Sneakers, all of which I have seen and loved, and also My Own Private Idaho which I watched for the first time waaaaaaaaaaay too young, and didn't understand, but I'm going to do some research going into that one, and I hope to be in a better position to appreciate it.

Me, hard at work, getting ready to understand Gus Van Sant
Photo credit: via Pixnio

So rest up, my lovelies, 'cause we've got a lot of movie watching to do!

Little Ni-who-ta?

I might not have been in the best headspace when we sat down to watch the next movie in River Phoenix's filmography. Three of his movies came out in 1988. The first was A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon, which blog readers will remember was not well-received (by me). 

The last Phoenix movie of 1988 was Running on Empty, which marked my introduction to River lo these many years ago, and which I immediately loved (both him and the movie). I've seen it many times, but probably not for at least 25 years, and I'm so looking forward to seeing it again, and desperately hoping that it lives up to my memory and isn't full of homophobia or racism or other 1980s disappointments. 

PLEASE let Running on Empty have aged well!
Photo Credit: Matt Brooks

And the middle Phoenix film of 1988 is the one this post is about, Little Nikita. Caught between the horror of Jimmy Reardon, and my baited anticipation of Running on Empty, it's possible I wasn't as focused as I could have been. The notes I took while watching Little Nikita are sparse because...it's fine. It's a perfectly fine movie. It's a Russian spy story that seems to hold together. Sydney Poitier is in it and he's lovely (fun fact that my husband reminded me of: Poitier and Phoenix will work together again in the 1992 movie Sneakers which I am also looking forward to re-watching). My biggest complaint is that the audience learns the big secret in the movie early on and we then spend about 30 minutes watching Phoenix learn the same thing which isn't the most riveting storytelling, but it's fine. There's a perfectly fine chase scene at the end, and it's all   just   fine.

There's some fun early exploration of technology when Poitier's computer pulls up a "record" (see: single line of green text) of someone who has died, but that same individual, years after their death, opened a business, and the computer then blasts us with a very large text box in a different font declaring "DOES NOT COMPUTE." I actually wish this was how computers worked, so when I typed into Google "do I need a hyper-realistic dinosaur costume," it just tells me "DOES NOT COMPUTE" and I have my answer (I do need one, by the way. I don't care what Google has to say). 

That's some snazzy early coding right there!
Photo Credit: Raimond Spekking

Watching the opening credits it struck me that there are a lot of guys named Richard in this movie. Three of the main actors (after Poitier and Phoenix) are all named Richard, one of the characters is named Richard, and the movie was directed by a Richard. I thought about making a joke that this was a real dick movie, and I guess I just did.

So while I don't have a whole lot to say about this movie plot-wise, I have a few things to say about River. Because while teenage Amy would not have liked River's character Jimmy Reardon (god, I hope she wouldn't have liked him!), I think she would have been smitten with Jeff Grant in Little Nikita. His hair is very swoopy and floppy, which for some reason was important to her. He twice (!) wears a tank top. And he goes on a completely charming date with his girlfriend Barbara in the middle of the movie. It's a scene that does nothing to move the plot along, but I loved it. They're at a drive in with a bunch of other kids, then Jeff and Barbara split off, share one kiss (chaste, but not too chaste), and then absolutely devour their french fries. A date like that with a non-threatening boy would have been right up young Amy's alley. Heck, I would still consider that  a slam-dunk of a date.

Primo Reading Material
Still shot from The Simpsons

I don't believe Little Nikita will stick with me, and that's not entirely the movie's fault, but rather its placement in Phoenix's filmography. I feel confident in saying that if you're going to watch one River Phoenix movie from 1988, it should be Running on Empty, but I will confirm that in our next installment!

The Hottest of Messes

The story of watching A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon begins with my quest to find the movie. Since we subscribe to eleventy-million streaming sites, I thought for sure it would be on one of them, but no luck. Fine, I thought, I'll rent it, but neither Amazon nor iTunes carried the title. Will I have to buy this movie? I said to myself. My search on Amazon yielded a VHS copy that could be mine for the sweet, sweet price of $52 USD. Since I don't even have a VHS player, this was not a viable option.

A portent of things to come
Photo Credit: Toby Hudson

At this point my husband took over the search because he is better at internetting than I am. He was able to find a DVD copy for the more reasonable price of $12 that could ship from the UK. He ordered it, but then had another look online, and Vimeo offered up the director's cut, available for streaming. Thankfully he was able to cancel the DVD order because, spoiler alert, no one needs two ways to watch this movie!

But wait, the version we found online was titled Aren't You Even Gonna Kiss Me Goodbye?. Is this even the same film? It stars River Phoenix, so I was committed, as either way it is required viewing for my completist project.

I came into this movie knowing virtually nothing about the film. All my assumptions were gleaned from this poster.

Highly misleading

This is clearly an 80s high-school romp comedy, yes? That is what I went in expecting, but I was the victim of sleazy Hollywood marketing, because this movie is NOT what it appears. 

Here's where I stopped to wonder if the director's cut that we watched deviated so significantly from the theatrical release as to feel like an entirely different movie. Of course, the way to solve this problem would be to watch the theatrical release (if it can be found), but that would mean watching the movie again, and that is just...something I'm not prepared for. 

Some quick Googling has led me to believe that the theatrical release doesn't deviate in plot, perhaps only in tone, and one reviewer suggested that the director's cut is significantly better than the theatrical release, and the director's cut is so very terrible that I need to never watch this movie again.

A quick summary: Phoenix plays the titular Jimmy Reardon, a pretentious 17 year old beat poet who is in love with Lisa's breasts Lisa. But Lisa won't immediately yield to him in the yard outside her parent's house, and so Jimmy has no choice but to have sex with EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN THE MOVIE! Here's an actual line from the movie that is used to justify Reardon putting his penis in any and all available holes - "a vague insistence came from my lap." A vague bit of puke just came from my stomach.

He has a best friend named Susie, who you know is his best friend because he says "Susie is my best friend," despite the fact that they have almost no scenes together, exchange perhaps three or four lines, and it is absolutely irrelevant to the plot that they are friends. But still, we know, because of that sparkling dialogue.

The movie (and this may be the director's cut only) is narrated by Jimmy, except Jimmy, confusingly, sounds like a 56 year old smoker who owes you money.

Also, this movie introduced Matthew Perry.

Listen, if you haven't guessed yet, this movie is an incoherent and indulgent pile of absolute garbage, and I'm going to dive into some of the worst offences. If this is as far as you make, your take away should be that you should never watch this movie. Please let my suffering have been for something.

Is this a pile of garbage or A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon?
Doesn't matter.

Nothing is examined in this movie. It's ostensibly about class and wealth (Reardon's family is working-class and he has to pay for college; his friends are all rich), but the movie doesn't look beyond Reardon feeling that a great injustice has occurred in the world because he isn't fabulously wealthy without putting in any work. The only people of colour are literal servants, and that problematic situation is left un-examined. 

And the women! Jimmy claims to love Lisa and want to be with her, but fondles every breast he sees, and never feels remorse, never examines how he treats women. Does he make a horrendous "joke" about raping Lisa to try and make another dude angry? Yes he does. Does he chase Lisa and pin her to the ground when she wants to get away from him? Oh yes he does. It's not just Phoenix's character who has such contempt for women either. At one point, Jimmy's dad calls him a "son of a bitch," which is a lot to unpack. Jimmy's mother just sighs and returns to the stove. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

About two thirds of the way through the movie my husband asked me if I thought people actually talked like this in the 1960s, and I said, "this movie is set in the 80s," and that's when I learned that I had missed a title card at the beginning telling us that it was 1962 AND I HAD NO IDEA.

I'll give the word on the 1962 setting to Rotten Tomatoes commenter Pete Vonder Haar:

He's right about the hair, but wrong in his generous rating

The movie was released in 1988 but filmed in 1986 which means Phoenix was 16, possibly 17, when it was shot. Knowing this makes the already awkward sex scenes (and there are many) that much more difficult to stomach. I'm going to go on the record here that 17 year olds should never film sex scenes. I'm not saying that characters that age shouldn't be having sex, but dear god, don't make these poor children pull of their shirts and simulate unwieldy pelvic thrusts. No one needs that.

At one point I jotted down in my notebook that I wasn't rooting for anyone in this movie, and then I reflected on whether this movie might be the hairshirt I must endure, although it's unclear what I'm being punished for.

It also occurred to me that a 1980s movie with stilted unrealistic dialogue, multiple awkward and prolonged sex scenes, and a main character who screams "LISA!!!!" might be a precursor to Tommy Wiseau's 2003 film The Room. I have to believe Wiseau watched A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon and thought "yes, there's some good stuff in here."

You're Tearing Me Apart Lisa!

I hope that even boy-crazy teenage Amy would have had problems with this movie. Indeed, it might have lessened the glow that I saw around Phoenix in those days. But, in all likelihood, I would have just enjoyed his hair and seeing him without his shirt on. For remember, teenage Amy was quite superficial. 

I am hoping that A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon is the lowest point in my journey to watch all of River Phoenix's movies. Dear god, I hope it can't get worse than that. Next up is another film I've never seen and know nothing about, Little Nikita. Based on this trailer...

I am cautiously optimistic.