Hot Dog, We Have A Wiener

The 1991 movie Dogfight opens with River Phoenix on a bus looking sad, probably sometime in the mid 1960s (and yes, I'm pretending that it hasn't been over a year since my last movie watch/blog post, thanks for going along with that). 

We get a brief glimpse of sad Phoenix before the movie takes us back in time a few years to 1963. Phoenix and his fellow Marine buddies are gearing up for a last night on the town before shipping off to Vietnam. Just a bunch of good friends wanting to spend some nice quality time together before heading into battle, right?

Wrong. These guys are, objectively, assholes, and their fun last-night activity is to compete in something called a dogfight. The goal is to find the ugliest girl to bring to a dance, and the "dogs" compete for best in show, which is awarded to the ugliest one. Each douche-dude puts in $50 to compete, and according to the first website hit I got on Google, $50 from 1963 is worth almost $500 in today's money. So, big stakes for these douche-goblins.

Brief pause in the plot to discuss hair. Phoenix plays a Marine, and therefore has a Marine haircut which I think is something described as high (?) and tight (?). I did no research because I was expecting him to have a buzzcut, but it's not that, and I didn't bother looking up what it's actually called, but it kind of looks like this

Short, very non-floppy hair
Photo credit: Skyphoenix6

Now, regular readers will know that 13-year old Amy was all about the longer, floppy hair, a style that I not only admired on young men but recreated on myself for many years (no idea what that means). So this very accurate to the time and setting hairstyle on River Phoenix in Dogfight would have been a major disappointment for young Amy, who would have happily eschewed verisimilitude for some floppy locks, Marine regulations be damned. Let's see if middle-aged Amy can get past it, let go and let god.

Back to the movie. The marines are on the hunt (exact word they use), and it's pretty satisfying to see them getting turned down by these so-called ugly ladies. The women have no time for cheesy pickup lines, and in a mark of true misogyny, when one of the douche-deputies gets turned down, he tells the young woman that she's a slut. That insult gets leveled at a few other women in the movie who dare to not do exactly what a strange man tells them. Fun times, being a woman.

The main two ways that women are unattractive, from what I can tell, is if they wear glasses, or if they have big hair. We don't see anyone that embodies both of these horrific attributes, as that woman would surely have broken all of the camera lenses with her awfulness.

 

Ugh, puke city
Image credit: birgitlachner

If you haven't seen this movie (and you should!), the film is commenting on the misogyny and objectification of women, not adding to it. So my comments here are directed at the characters and their terrible behaviour, not at the movie itself. Just in case the movie is reading this and getting its feelings hurt. I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING MOVIE, AND I'M HERE FOR IT! (Sorry for yelling.)

So Phoenix (his character is named Eddie) is striking out just like his other buddies, and time is running out for him to get his entry into the fight. And the only thing that makes sense to me is that his panic is impacting his vision somehow, because he walks into a diner and tries to pick up the woman behind the counter who is, sure a bit too old for him, but otherwise quite pretty. Yes, she has glasses (retching noises), but she takes them off almost immediately, the international movie sign to look a little closer, she might not be a hideous four-eyed beast!

But she is tired, she runs this diner, and she has no time for this douche-recliner's bullshit. Hard relate. No need to panic for our "hero" though, because he's found his contestant. He can tell JUST BY LOOKING AT HER BACK that she's the one. Reader, her back is completely normal, she's wearing a suitable work uniform (she's a waitress at the diner), and yes, fine, her hair is a touch large, but her back indicates exactly nothing about her appearance. Eddie's senses are on high alert though, and he goes in for the kill.

This young woman is sitting in the corner, clearly on a well-deserved break, quietly playing the guitar and singing to herself. So of course, Eddie feels comfortable interrupting her. After all, this might be his prize pooch waiting to be chosen! His approach is the bold choice of both mansplaining and gaslighting her, making up a folk music writer, and telling this woman, who clearly knows her shit when it comes to that genre, that all of her favourite songs were actually written by this imaginary man. 

The woman is Rose, daughter of the tired older woman who runs the diner, played by the incredible Lili Taylor. And yes, this is a studio picture, and yes, this is the early 90s, and yes, Hollywood beauty standards blah blah blah, but let it be said that Lili Taylor would do TERRIBLY in a dogfight. I was about to write that sure, she's not conventionally beautiful, but I would be wrong. She is! She's stunning!

Photo credit: IMDB

The photo above is from a press event for Dogfight. And yes, in the movie they alter her look somewhat, but still people, this is what we're dealing with.

Clearly worthy of runner up in a dogfight, right?
Photo credit: movienutt

Joke break! What's the difference between a bag of trash and a brunette? Even a bag of trash gets picked up once in a while!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

This very funny and not at all misogynistic/sexist joke was gleefully told to me in high school, and as a young woman with very dark hair, I believed it was true. I was destined to be the butt of a joke, and not the object of affection (this didn't end up being true, I married a very lovely man who appreciates my dark hair, except when it clogs up the drains, but that has nothing to do with its hue, rather with its plentitude). And it's not any better for blondes or redheads - we all got pigeonholed and objectified, just in a different flavour. Seriously, such fun times being a woman.

Watching this movie at age 13 spun my head though. Because here is Lili Taylor, beautiful and radiant, but she's being cast as the dog. The object of ridicule. And at 13, I didn't have the savvy to realize that Hollywood is a big fucking machine with a very narrow definition of attractive, and that it bears no resemblance to lived reality. Just like I didn't have the savvy to tell those brunette-hating jokers that they were douche-fountains, and that they should crawl back under a rock until they could talk to women with respect. Not to worry, I channeled all that insecurity into trying to be funny and get a laugh, and hence you can track a line directly to this post and the, frankly, excessive amount of time I've spent coming up with nouns to attach to the word "douche." No regrets.

Back, again, to the movie. Rose agrees to go to the dance with Eddie, even after she initially says she can't, he leaves, she changes her mind, rushes out of the diner, and finds him trying to pick up another woman. Red flag sweetie. And if you miss this one, there are other's on the way, don't worry.

Who among us hasn't missed a few of these?
Image credit: OpenClipart

Rose gets ready for the dance, and readers, she is adorable! She's got this little barrette in her hair, and you just want to give her all the flowers and puppies. Eddie feels a bit of remorse as he's starting to realize that she's awesome (somehow still hasn't figured out that she's attractive and therefore, in the parameters of the gross competition, he is doing terribly), and makes a half-hearted attempt to redirect them somewhere other than the dance of judgement, but Rose is all in.

In the dance hall, we're reunited with Eddie's fellow douche-serpents, and we meet the girls they've brought to the contest.

Pitch time! I want to see a movie about these women, these "dogs" as they are called. Because they look like a fun bunch. We already know and love Rose, and we've seen that some of the other ladies can bring the sass from earlier scenes. I'd like to see these women take down the patriarchy, or colonize Mars, or get really involved in alchemy, and when the men come by, they just yell "get out of here, we don't need you!" I would watch that.

Rose drinks too many Mai Tais (out of real coconuts no less!) after being told they barely have any alcohol in them, and then she and Eddie are dancing, which is the moment of judgement. Three unremarkable and forgettable douche-toilets have the job of picking a winner, and they delight in how disgusting all these women are. Rose gets runner-up status when they witness her throwing up in the bathroom after all the drinks. Because normal human functions on a woman are the height of disgusto-rama.

Here's where I really appreciate the structure of the movie. We're about twenty minutes in at this point, and while recovering in the bathroom, Rose learns about the true nature of the whole evening. The winner, the best "dog," is a ringer, brought in because she can remove her front teeth (which makes her look like a very cool vampire) and has, again, big hair. Eddie's buddy rigged the contest by telling this uggo what was going on, and offering to split the prize money, which he then reneges on. Marcie, the winner, makes a good point about the dudes not exactly being lookers themselves, but says it's not so bad because "they gotta be polite."

Girl, raise your bar.

For a lot of movies, the whole story would be the competition. Eddie would spend 90 minutes trying to hide the true nature of what is happening from Rose, and she'd find out near the end, after the audience has been in on it the whole time, at which point it's only a question of will she forgive him or not.

But not Dogfight. Rose finds out what's going on, comes out of the bathroom guns blazing, and slaps up Eddie's face a few times, which is very satisfying. She lets him know what she thinks of him and this event in no uncertain terms, and I love her for it. 

Rose heads home, the night ruined, to sadly play her guitar, and my heart breaks. It's possible I related a little too much with Rose in this movie. Eddie feels bad about what a douche-trouser he's been, and he goes to apologize to Rose, which he does by writing a note on a piece of cardboard, climbing the wall, licking the note and sticking it to her window. 

Rose is still furious and storms outside to continue telling Eddie off, at which point Eddie drops the biggest red flag the world has ever known when he yells (!) at her that he doesn't apologize, ever, but he said sorry to her. 

Rose missed this sign
Photo credit: Rept0n1x

She should, of course, walk away, but she doesn't, and if I'm being honest, I get it. There's something about that time in life, the late teens, when the drive to be loved and accepted is so strong, and even when you know it's a mistake, you pursue it. Also, if she doesn't give him a second chance, there's no movie, so thematically we know what's coming.

The rest of the movie juxtaposes Eddie and Rose's night out where they make a real connection (and where she orders her dinner with as many swear words as possible to prove a point about his potty mouth, including the line "son-of-a-bitching rice" which is perfection) and the night out he would have had with his buddies, which is all about distraction and not feeling your feelings. When you watch, keep an eye out for Brendan Fraser in his first movie role as Sailor #1.

Accurate representation of how long Brendan Fraser is on screen for in this movie
Photo credit: IMDB

Eddie develops real feelings for Rose through the night, and again I'll give the movie credit for not succumbing to the all-too-familiar trope of the dude removing the girl's glasses or overalls, and realizing she was pretty all along (puke). Rose doesn't need to change herself for anyone!

Regular blog readers will know that my focus on these movie watches is to track the (too-short) career and artistic development of River Phoenix, and yes, he's great in the movie, very vulnerable, very real, but the true gem of this film is Lili Taylor. She is incredible, and whenever she was on screen, I was smiling. This movie, back when I watched it in 1991, might have been my introduction to Taylor, and I've been happy to see her pop up in other work through the years (you might remember her from the terrific show Six Feet Under). This is her movie, even though Phoenix is our primary POV character, and she has incredible control, vulnerability, and likeability. 

In August of 2020, Hadley Freeman wrote a profile on Lili Taylor in The Guardian. In it, she mentions Dogfight, and called it "now almost unwatchable." I think she was referring to the casting of Taylor as a dogfight contender, and how hard that must have been for the then 23-year old actor in a business OBSESSED with physical beauty, but I disagree with Freeman's thesis that the movie is not for our times. I think it has a lot to say about toxic male culture, the military, and what can change the world. I think it's a movie with a lot of optimism. And I know it's a movie where you get to spend 90 minutes in the company of Lili Taylor AND River Phoenix, and that, dear possums, is worth your time.

Readers, we're all in for a treat, because next up in my Phoenix-watch is the 1992 movie Sneakers WHICH I LOVE!!! The cast is amazing, and I remember it as being fast-paced, exciting, and well-written. Stay tuned to see if my memory can be trusted!

Young Indiana

Possums, I've clearly been neglecting this blog. It's been months since I went on and on about the fashion in Running on Empty. In my defense, I've started getting up really early to write, which means I have to go to bed really early (because I adore sleep), and so movies have become harder to find time for. Which, I recognize, hampers my River Phoenix Movie Completist project.

Accurate representation of me in the mornings
Photo Credit: niyosstudio from Pixabay

With a whopping running time of 2 hours and 8 minutes, I thought I might have to watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade over two nights, but possums, for you, I bravely completed it in one. No need to thank me.

Although in truth, for the purposes of this post, I probably could have stopped watching the movie twelve minutes and twenty seconds in. Because that's exactly how long River Phoenix is on screen. He plays young Indiana in the opening sequence, and then Harrison Ford takes over (and he's fine, I guess), and Phoenix is wrapped and off to film I Love You To Death (great movie which we'll talk about in, if history is any indicator, several months).

Whatever, he'll do
Photo Credit: Freeimage4life

So I'm going to focus mostly on those first twelve minutes. I won't say much about the rest of the movie because it's Indiana Jones - you probably have a pretty good idea of what you're in for. Do you like watching people punch Nazis, boat chases, piles of squirming sewer rats, and excessive repetition of the word 'penitent'? Then you'll like the movie. Fair warning, though, that women aren't treated terribly well (wait, there's misogyny in action movies? Shocking!), and the part where Indy and his Dad realize they've both slept with the same woman is gross and problematic. Okay, done.

Back to those first twelve minutes. We meet young Indiana, aged 13, according to Wikipedia. I would have watched this movie when I was 12 or 13, and I can assure you, none of the boys my age looked like that, but it's Hollywood, so I give it a pass. Indy is on a boy scout horseback riding trip in Utah, 1912. He explores some caves (as you do) with his less than courageous friend, and they stumble upon some bad men doing bad things to...treasure? There's treasure/artifacts in the cave, that's all you need to know.

Shiny!
Photo Credit: Pixabay

Indy's moral compass points due north, and he knows that these artifacts belong in a museum, so he tricks the men to get the treasure and then we are treated to an excellent chase sequence on a circus train that features a rhino wielding its horn as a weapon. Indy manages to escape and takes the artifact to the sheriff, who makes him return it to the bad men and their mysterious leader, played by a Harrison Ford impersonator (clearly the effect they're going for).

We also get a first glance, or rather a first hear, of Indiana's father, who's a cool cat more interested in Latin verbs than his son. All great set-up for the meat of the movie.

Spoiler - Sean Connery plays Indy's  distant dad, and, further spoiler, by the end of the movie, they've grown closer!
Photo Credit: Georges Biard

I'm going to dig into all things Phoenix in a moment, but these twelve minutes form a fantastic mini origin story. Fans of the franchise are given so many gifts. In the caves, Indy's cowardly friend is spooked by a snake, but Indy picks it up calmly and chastises his friend. But wait, you say, Indiana Jones famously hates snakes! How could the screenwriter make such a mistake?

Fear not, friends, this is no mistake. Because in a few minutes we are going to see the event that causes Indiana Jones' ophidiophobia (that's the fancy word for fear of snakes, and in case you're about to be impressed, I had no idea what it was before googling 'what is a fear of snakes called' and then I had to check three times that I spelled it properly. Probably should have left this part out and let you all think I'm a freaking word genius, but here we are).

I hope you don't suffer from ophidiophobia. If you do, you will likely not appreciate how ADORABLE this little friend is!
Photo Credit: Tony Alter

On the circus train, Indy is trying to get away from the bad guys when the suspension bridge he's climbing across above the reptile car gives way, and he falls into a box of very wiggly snakes, thus the fear is born. The sequence also shows us how Indiana gets his start with a whip when he falls into the lion's car and grabs the whip hanging on the wall. The first crack strikes Indy, and we see blood on his chin, which explains the scar on Harrison Ford's chin (the actual scar, I have just learned from the internet, came from a far less interesting car crash).

We even see how Indy gets his iconic hat. The Harrison Ford impersonator gives him the famous Panama hat after Indy is forced to return the stolen artifact that should be in a museum. Bad Harrison Ford gifts him the hat presumably because he likes Indy's moxie. 

Iconic
Photo Credit: Gary Stewart

Once Young Indy gets the hat, that's it for River Phoenix. Old Indiana Jones then spends 116 minutes fighting his way through Portugal, Venice, Germany/Austria, and Turkey. He travels by blimp at one point. There are worse ways to spend 116 minutes.

I'll speak briefly, as I always seem to, about Phoenix's hair, which is floppy and glorious and completely wrong for the period. A quick google search of men's hairstyles in 1912 shows us close cropped do's, mostly flattened to the scalp. No doubt styling products did big business in this era, so Phoenix's shaggy mop that falls dramatically in his face is anachronistic, but who cares, because this was exactly the way Young Amy always hoped River Phoenix looked in his movies. Zero disappointment from this corner.  

I have just learned this River Phoenix action figure exists (thank you internet), and my life goal is now to obtain it. Look, he comes with snakes! SNAKES!!!
Photo Credit: The Pop Culture Geek Network

Regular readers of this blog (hi Mom, hi Dad!) will remember that we've seen the pairing of River Phoenix and Harrison Ford before. Phoenix played Ford's son in The Mosquito Coast. This time they're playing the same character at different ages, and Phoenix gets to give his best Harrison Ford impression, and as usual, shows great skills. He's very earnest and steadfast, just as you would hope 13 year old Indiana Jones would be. Also scrappy and quick-thinking. So good job, casting director Maggie Cartier!

This twelve minute opening sequence inspired an entire other franchise, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, a TV show beginning in 1992 and running two seasons, then spinning off into a series of four Family Channel TV movies. I remember when this show was on the air, but don't remember watching a single episode (I wasn't the only one - Wikipedia tells me it was cancelled due to large budgets and low viewership). Likely I was subconsciously protesting the casting, which featured Sean Patrick Flanery as Young Indiana, whom I will forever after refer to as the poor-man's River Phoenix. No shade intended (I'm sure he's a great actor), but there can only be one Young Indy. To be honest, I even resent Harrison Ford a little, and it was his part first. Flanery didn't stand a chance.

If my parents had bought me this chocolate marshmallow cereal, maybe I would have enjoyed a bowl while watching The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I could have saved the show with my viewership! Missed opportunity.
Photo Credit: tOkKa

Despite feeling like the movie could have used a lot more Phoenix, I enjoyed my re-visitation of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It's a dude movie, to be sure, one that triumphantly fails the Bechdel test, but it's Indiana Jones! And, as far as I'm concerned, it's the definitive ending to the franchise, because we don't acknowledge the shameful disaster that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Next up, as I mentioned earlier, is I Love You To Death, the 1990 Kevin Kline comedy loosely based on a true story. I've seen it before, and remember enjoying it (Tracey Ullman is in it! She's incredible!). Phoenix, if memory serves, gets to play a bumbling doofus alongside Keanu Reeves. Right, it's all coming back to me now why Young Amy liked this movie so much. 

Incredible Tracey Ullman with incredible 80's hair!
Photo Credit: Alan Light

You should watch it in the interim as well. Don't worry, you'll probably have several months to get to it before I'm back.

Until then, possums!

1 Star: Misleading Title, Not Enough Mosquitos

Look, in a movie called The Mosquito Coast, I expect to at least once see someone swatting away a huge swarm of mosquitos buzzing around their head, maybe ingesting a few and then heaving in that really unattractive way we all do when we eat a bug. I figured there would at least be a sub-plot about malaria, but no, The Mosquito Coast contains none of that!

Imagine this coming at you. You'll have to imagine, because it isn't in the ding-dong movie!
Photo credit: Bill Gaultiere

This very serious and not-at-all frivolous complaint aside, The Mosquito Coast is a good movie, and you should watch it if you haven't already (heck, watch it again, I'll bet it holds up!). This post will contain only mild spoilers mostly pertaining to River Phoenix's character Charlie, so feel free to keep reading even if you haven't seen it. 

This movie is from 1986, so it's the same vintage Phoenix as Stand By Me (but this movie features, sadly, less Phoenix). Quick summary: Harrison Ford plays Allie Fox, River Phoenix's dad, and an inventor who thinks he's better than everyone, and is fed up with aspects of life such as having to do the job he was actually hired for, and not being able to buy products that were made in the USA! So, despite the many indications that this will not go well, he packs up his family (literally leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen sink) and takes them all by boat into the jungle where he can indulge in his white saviour fantasies and pontificate on the spiritual importance of ice. Allie is the worst kind of dude who thinks he's more open-minded and evolved than everyone else, but is really a racist a-hole.

I hadn't seen this movie before, and didn't know anything about it. In fact, based on my quick glance at this movie poster

I thought the movie starred Nick Nolte, even though it clearly says Harrison Ford above the title (Nick Nolte would have been a very bad choice for the role). When I learned from the credits that this movie also starred Helen Mirren and Martha Plimpton I said "yes please!" Although I would soon learn that even with these two powerhouse women, the film sadly, just like Phoenix's other two movies we've reviewed so far, does not pass the Bechdel Test. I still liked it, but stay tuned for my feminist complaint about Mirren's character.

Early teenaged Amy would have been enthralled by the possibility of romance that is suggested between Plimpton and Phoenix, however we will need to wait until the excellent Running on Empty to actually see that romance in action (fun fact, we also get to see Phoenix and Ford together again in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where Phoenix plays a young Indy). Plimpton plays the daughter of a missionary, and she and Phoenix meet on the boat taking them to the jungle. Her flirting technique is flawless. She begins by simply offering herself to Phoenix as a girlfriend (he does not respond). She then lays down the excellent come-on line of "I think about you when I go to the bathroom." She is so committed to this line that she mouths it to him again once they have arrived and are about to go their separate ways. I am stunned that her approach didn't work, but I encourage all of you looking to snag a partner to try out her line. And then please, please, tell me what happens.

We see Plimpton only once more, near the end of the movie, when things are going poorly for Phoenix. He sneaks up to talk to her, at which point she declares "you look disgusting, you got smaller, and your hair is gross." Even though she is only on screen for a few brief minutes, I love everything about Plimpton's character. Had I seen this as a younger person, it's possible I would have tried to emulate her. It would have gone terribly.

Things start to go badly in the movie for Allie and family when he decides that he needs to show a block of ice to a tribe deep in the jungle that has never before seen ice. He believes this will blow their minds. Well, Allie, hate to disappoint you, but you didn't need to travel all the way into the deep jungle for that. You just needed to come to my backyard circa 2014. Let me explain.

Mind blown?
Photo credit: Darren Hester

I'd just finished hosting a party in my yard and I was cleaning up while my then 3-year old daughter was playing outside. I dumped the ice cubes from the bottom of the cooler onto a patch of garden thinking that the melt would help whatever was trying to grow there, then went back to tidying. About two minutes later, my daughter appeared at my side her hands full of the shiny cubes and said "look mommy, cold jewels!" At this moment I realized that she had never before seen ice. Was she momentarily impressed? Yes, she was. Did she think it was pretty neat? Yes, she did. Was her life forever changed because, according to Allie Fox, "ice is civilization?" No. She soon grew tired of the ice melting in her hands, dumped it back in the garden, and demanded to be shown Toopy and Binoo cartoons.

Ford's character is clearly unhinged, and suffering from mental illness. At the beginning of the movie he channels some of Han Solo's arrogance, but where Solo just keeps improving and making better choices, Fox keeps getting worse. He's blind to the needs of others, demands to be worshiped, and refuses to learn from anyone, but is the worst thing about his character the fact that he calls his wife Mother? Yes, yes it is.

I can't believe I have to complain about the credits of a movie again so soon after doing so about Stand By Me (shakes fist at patriarchy!), but DAME Helen Mirren's (fine, she wasn't a dame then, but it's coming) character is listed only as "Mother" in the credits. Not even "Mother Fox" which would at least allow you to pretend that she was a whimsical Wes Anderson character trapped in the wrong film. No, just Mother. Even the actor who plays Phoenix's younger brother who basically just whines about how much he hates his dad (understandable) gets a name! (Jadrien Steele plays Jerry Fox and does a fine job, don't come at me with your Jadrien Steele defense, I'm just saying HELEN MIRREN SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN A NAME!!!)

If anyone deserves a name, it is this goddess!
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore

 

You might have noticed that this post is a little light on the Phoenix commentary, and I could make an excuse about how he's in a supporting role and that's why, but the truth is, Harrison Ford, for all that his character frustrates you and you want to slap his smug stupid face when he calls his wife "Mother," is captivating. It's hard to watch anyone else; he dominates the screen when the camera is on him. It really is a tremendous performance, which isn't to say that Phoenix (and Mirren, and Plimpton) aren't also giving wonderful performances, but the movie belongs to Ford. But don't worry, there's more Phoenix coming your way because...

next up in our watch is the 1988 movie A Night In the Life of Jimmy Reardon. I haven't seen it before, and Phoenix plays the titular character, so I'm guessing he gets a lot of screen time. It could be terrible, but he's entering the swoop stage of his hair journey, so I'm optimistic. I suspect young Amy would be very excited about this one. Stay tuned possums!

Standing By

Possums! Welcome to the second installment in my journey to watch all of the late River Phoenix's movies, thereby becoming a Phoenix Completist. The 1986 movie Stand By Me was Phoenix's second feature film. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. The second movie you ever make becomes one of the classics of American film, and it's not like you've got some bit part, Agitated Boy #2 or something, you're one of the freaking leads!!!

Quick facts here for those living under rocks or born so late that this movie counts as a period piece (I mean, technically it is since it's set in the late 50s). The movie is directed by Rob Reiner and based on the Stephen King short story "The Body." Four boys from Oregon go on a two-day hike to find a dead body that they heard was in the woods. That's basically the whole plot, plus a loooooooooooot of daddy issues. 

Before I begin to ramble somewhat incoherently about what this movie made me think and feel (you can look forward to my analysis of trains, a moment when I feel a kindred connection to Phoenix, and I'll introduce you to a fun game I play when watching the credits), a huge shout out to the casting directors for this film, Janet Hirshenson and Jane Jenkins who managed to cast child actors without any duds. Phoneix, Wil Wheaton, Corey Feldman, and Jerry O'Connell all had decent careers post Stand By Me, and this movie also features a young Kiefer Sutherland as the bully AND a young John Cusack as the dead older brother (not a spoiler, he's dead from the beginning, and not the body that they go to find). I thought that was impressive.

So, the four main boys each strap a blanket to their shoulders and start walking, after telling their parents the always fool-proof 80s movie lie that they're all spending the night at someone else's house. No 80s parent checked on their children in any capacity ever, so that plot point holds up. They have all, however, neglected to bring food, so they pool their money and Wil Wheaton (his character has a name, I just don't care what it is) buys meat to make four hamburgers and four buns. This food somehow lasts them the entire two days and they never once complain about hunger. 

Clearly enough food for 4 people for 2 days

For some reason they take shelter in a junk yard with a known ornery owner and dog for a while, and they start squirting water out of their mouths into a bucket. Phoenix, I noticed, seemed to have a little trouble spitting the water, so I felt a kinship with him, as I too have had difficulty when required to perform a water stunt with my mouth on camera.

I was filming an intro scene for my husband's sketch comedy group years ago where I had to do a spit take right in his face (you can see it here at the 2:24 mark, then stayed tuned for about 8 seconds of me fake laughing. If that doesn't sound like a long time, you're wrong). It was just after the director first called "action" that I learned I had assumed I would be able to do a spit take on command, nay at all, but we all quickly realized how wrong I was. For one take I just opened my mouth and the large gulp of water I had taken ran freely down my chin while I made no attempt whatsoever to spit. Is doing a spit take hard? No, it is not, which made this realization all the more embarrassing. After multiple takes where I got worse instead of better, my dear friend and fellow actor Trent Wilkie stepped in as my spit-take double, so the shot in the skit where Sam is getting sprayed in the face with mouth water, well that's all the work of Trent (he got it in one take, the bastard). Anyway, seeing River Phoenix also have trouble with on camera spit work, I felt that, had we met, our bond would have been strengthened through this obvious connection.

Unattainable
(photo credit: Nick Looy, Pixabay)

I have seen Stand By Me once before, and I remembered exactly two scenes from it: the scene with the train on the trestle bridge, and the scene with the leeches. I will begin with the leeches, which to me is the one scene in the movie that truly feels like it belongs in a Stephen King story (I guess the dead body tracks too), because these leeches are enormous. I will refer to them (in a nod to director Rob Reiner who also directed The Princess Bride) as L.O.U.Ss - Leeches Of Unusual Size. They are enormous, and I know of what I speak here, because once a leech curled up for a nap in between my toes (if this sounds cute and you're saying "awwww" to yourself right now, stop it, because my terrified 9 year old self went scream thrashing through the creek where I had picked up this slumbering hitch hiker, attempting to remove it by kicking wildly in the air (not effective). Turned out the creature was not sucking my blood, simply taking advantage of the body heat produced between my toes) and my leech was about 1/16th the size of the ones in the movie. Maybe they breed them big in Oregon, who knows. Anyway, the leech scene is gross.

Appropriately sized leech
(photo credit: Bernard Dupont, Flickr)

The train scene on the trestle bridge was another memory I had from my first viewing, specifically I remembered the anxiety I felt watching it as Wesley Crusher and My Secret Identity have to get to the end of the bridge before the train smashes them. It's tense friends, especially when Jerry O'Connell lies on the tracks in fear while the train barrels towards them WASTING PRECIOUS RUNNING AWAY SECONDS!!! I managed to quell the tension for myself by 1) remembering that they survive, and 2) realizing that their attempt to get out of the way of the train reminds me exactly of me trying to get out of the way of the approaching chair lift during skiing when I have inevitably fallen down while trying to dismount gracefully. Every. Single. Time.

I won't get out of the way in time
(Photo credit: LoggaWiggler, Pixabay)

Trains feature heavily in this movie, and I've done no research but still feel confident in saying that the trains represent penises and daddy issues. It got me wondering what the female equivalent of this symbol would be in a movie about four young ladies on an epic quest. Would they just keep exploring mysterious caves? Would spelunking allow them a greater understanding of self?

Ooooo, mysterious jewel vagina cave
(Photo credit: Flickr)

Well, you don't need to worry about what it would be like for women in this movie, because there really aren't any. Before I launch into my next tangent about representation, let me start by saying that I don't think it's fair to dismiss or condemn movies from the past because they don't adhere to our modern notions, but I do think it's important to discuss the lack of representation because it helps us to see how we've got to where we are now with these issues. 

To start, there is not a single actor of colour in this movie. Now, it is set in Oregon which doesn't exactly have the most inclusive history, but the overwhelming whiteness of the movie stands out when viewed with modern eyes (I mean, I'm sure it stood out to many people who watched it in the 80s as well, particularly eyes that belonged to any person who wasn't white). 

Women fare only marginally better in this film in terms of representation. There are exactly four women characters listed: Mrs. Lachance, Waitress, Mayor's Wife, and Fat Lady. Notice anything about those credits? That's right, not a single woman in this movie is given a name. Stand By Me is clearly focused on the male experience, and when I watch movies like this, there's a little game I like to play during the credits called "When Will the First Woman Appear?" Basically, you take note of how long into the credits it will be before you see a woman's name. I called this one early, telling my husband that we wouldn't see a woman in the credits until Casting (I'm not sure why, but casting is a job that tends to be held by women in Hollywood), and it wasn't like the women started rolling by after that. In fact, there were so few women, and I was taking such careful note of them, that I was surprised when I saw the job title of "Lead Woman" flash across the screen.

Me, looking for the women in this movie
(Image credit: Mohamad Mohamad Mahmoud Hassan, Needpix)

"What is Lead Woman?" I shrieked in my husband's ear. "What does that mean?" Neither of us knew, and neither, it seemed, did Google, so my husband took to an online forum to inquire (side note, I am pleased to see how invested he has become in my completist project; we're in this together). It took until the next day for us to learn that the title is given to the leader of the Swing Gang on set (not, alas, a group of spunky swing dancers who jump, jive, and wail all over the production), and the title of the leader is either Lead Man, or, if the person happens to be a woman, well, you can figure that out. However, before I had that information, I asked my husband, in total sincerity, "do you think...is Lead Woman the person who is in charge of all the women?" It seemed viable to me that perhaps, Lead Woman was simply the woman wrangler on set. Perhaps an alpha uterus to sync up all of the menstrual cycles, or just a capable woman to lead the spelunking expeditions. Honestly, anything seemed possible at that point.

So women and people of colour don't get enough representation in the movie, and there are also some homophobic slurs bandied about playfully, although the movie does do a good job of depicting physical male friendships. Three of the four boys have a breakdown scene in the movie where they have to cry, and each time they are comforted physically by a friend, without any jokes about gayness, not even to diffuse the tension, so props for that. (Side note: I hope the boys were all treated well during the filming, because they had to go to some dark places emotionally, and I was a little worried for them. Given the overwhelming maleness of the movie, it had the potential to devolve into a real Lord of the Flies type situation. I hope it was a caring and nurturing experience instead).

Okay, enough of my meandering chaotically from thought to thought, let's talk about River!

(Photo credit: Alan Light, Flickr)

Even with the strong cast, it's pretty clear that Phoenix is a stand out in this movie (my husband used the word "smoldering" to describe him). The trajectory that his career took after this is not surprising, and I found myself wondering, I'm sure not for the last time, what he could have accomplished in his career had he lived past the age of 23. 

And what would young teen Amy have thought of Phoenix in this movie? Well, I did watch it when I was younger, and it didn't stick with me, and I now have to face the reality that it's possible most of my affection for Mr. Phoenix was really for his floppy hair cut (see above photo). Never forget, young Amy was very superficial. Brush cut Phoenix just wasn't my jam.

Next up in this adventure is a movie that I haven't seen before and know virtually nothing about, The Mosquito Coast, also released in 1986. I look forward to learning what hairstyle Phoenix has in this movie, and I'd like to thank you for standing by me (satisfied chortle) during this post. Until next time!

Next time, nothing but miles of these along the coast line!
(Photo credit: Pratheep PS)

  

Completist Aspirations

Hi, hello, welcome, are you ready to come with me on a little diversion? I know you're all here for my hot library takes, but I'm shifting my focus slightly, and thought I would bring you along for the ride. If you want, it's not like there's an actual vehicle that I'm refusing to stop. Free will, baby!

(Image Credit under Creative Commons: Franklinz01)

I've started working on an essay about my adolescent feelings for the late River Phoenix, actor, musician, and my first and strongest celebrity crush. As a result of this essay, I've been going down a few Google-holes and searching IMDB to establish timelines, and I have decided, in the interest of very professional research, that I need to watch all of River Phoenix's movies. I will then be a Phoenix Completist, and you better believe that I will include this information in EVERY bio I am ever asked to submit in the future.

I prepare to embark on some Very Serious Research

And so, to make best use of this important research (since not all of it will end up in the essay), I have decided to blog my journey of watching River Phoenix's movies here for you all. I have also enlisted the company of my husband to come along with me. At this point, he believes it will only be feature films, and that is how we'll begin, but I have plans, upon completing all the movies, to dive into Phoenix's television and mini-series work, which means we'll be watching titles such as It's Your Move, Backwards: The Riddle of Dyslexia, and the television remake of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. You'd better believe that alllllllllllll of these will be poor quality YouTube videos that someone uploaded from a nearly worn out VHS version. Hopefully I'll be able to tell which actor is River! My husband doesn't need to join me for these, as they will likely be very trying, but I may lord my Completist title as being superior to his if he doesn't. Which he likely won't care about at all. 

And so, with great excitement (on my part), we began the journey with the 1985 family-friendly movie Explorers, Phoenix's first feature film. He plays Wolfgang Müller, a barely pubescent nerd who provides all the science in the movie. He's friends with less-nerdy (but still nerdy) Ben played by Ethan Hawke. Quick summary: Ben dreams in mid-80s video game special effects, and discovers some formula or equation in his sleep, which Wolfgang programs into a computer, and it becomes a sphere of blue light that they can use to travel through space. A third boy who is "cool" joins them. They trash a drive-in concession stand, and are momentarily chased by the police, but the stakes remain low throughout. Eventually, they make it to space, but not after pursuing their first impulse upon gaining this power which is to look at boobs. To be clear, this movie in no way even attempts to pass the Bechdel test; it's a story for the lads. Once in space, there are aliens, and some problematic inter-species flirting with young Phoenix. Also, James Cromwell plays Wolfgang's dad!

Lights! Tunnels! 80s! Video Games!

I had not only never watched Explorers before, I hadn't even heard of it. Phoenix's bowl cut and aggressively 80s glasses likely wouldn't have appealed to 13 year old Amy who, I'm now remembering, was a little shallow. 1992 River Phoenix was peak Phoenix as far as I was concerned, so this is proto-Phoenix. I wondered, would 13 year old me have been more impressed with Ethan Hawke? He certainly had the right hair. To be clear, this Completist project is mostly about reflecting on my teenage feelings and superficiality, but I will point out that even in this movie which doesn't give him much, Phoenix is a very good actor. I'd like to believe that at least some of my feelings had to do with his great talent, not just his great face.

Phoenix Face (photo by Alan Light)

As the movie progressed, and the kids ended up in space, Sam turned to me and said "this is basically the same plot as Flight of the Navigator," another 80s movie that I had not seen (also a "boy movie"), so we paused to watch the trailer. Yes, they are very similar, and Explorers clearly paved the way for Navigator. Also E.T. would have been influential. This has been my very thorough movie analysis of 80s space travel movies. Nothing has been left out.

And so, the first movie in Phoenix's filmography has been watched. Would I have enjoyed it as an early teen, when I would have been close to Phoenix's age? Probably not, there was precious little for the girls in it. Also, Phoenix was convincingly dorky, and I had access to dorky guys at that age (when I say access, I mean that they sometimes spoke to me), so there was no fantasy there. Will all this change with our next film, the 1986 classic Stand By Me? You'll have to...stand by to find out! (Sorry.)

(image by mo68kl, Creative Commons)